After
Rufus v. Brutus, I wasted a half hour or so on YouTube watching mascot fights. And if look up mascot fights, you are probably going to start watching related videos. And if you start watching related videos, you are going to eventually move on to animals fighting in the wild. And if you are watching videos of animals fighting in the wild, you are probably going to move on to videos of animals attacking people in cars. And if you are watching animals attacking people in cars, you will start watching big booty cheerleaders dancing. And if you are watching big booty cheerleaders dancing, you will most likely decide to make a Pick'em Bonus question asking which on-field costumed mascot would get his booty kicked by the opposing team's mascot.
The Match-ups:
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| Mike the Tiger vs The Mountaineer |
- ANo - Northmen: I'd say the LSU Tigers could give that ole Mountaineer a run for his money! (Actually there are a lot of little guys vs big buys here.)
I have been to both cities and hung out on both campuses. One thing that each have in common is I can't understand a damn word that people from either place are saying. Just saying. (+2)
- DW - Bevo XIV: I got that mountain man hick from Morgantown being mauled by Mike the Tiger.
The mountain hick taps. (+2)
- MF - One Man Wolfpack: I say the mountaineer guy has no chance against that ugly tiger from LSU.
I thought all lions were boys and all tigers were girls? (+2)
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| The Bearcat v. Boomer & Sooner |
- GN - Ferments-A-Lot: The costumed version of the retardedly named "Boomer" and "Sooner" miniature horsies would both get their faces ripped off by The Bearcat of Cincinnati. Sooners are literally named after historical cheaters, people who claimed land in the state before they were legally allowed to. Must have been quite a disappointment when the family finally showed up. We are moving where? It's kind of like picking the wrong door in Let's Make a Deal.
(+4)
- KS - Large Donkey Circus: The f#cking OU wagon thing...it's a broke down hoopty piece of sh!t dragged by two donkeys and shouldn't be allowed on the field, if attacked it may kill itself out of embarrassment.
Haha! But the wagon thing isn't the mascot. (+2)
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| Sparky vs The Oregon Duck |
- KW - The Swinging Richards: The Ducks, while they can fly away to avoid danger they have no other natural defenses. Examples; Yellow Jackets Sting (ouch), Bears will eat you (sucks), Sun Devils use the power of the sun (strong), and Beavers will bite the sh*t out of you and smack you with their ping pong paddle tail. Ducks can only fly away and make a terrible noise, and let's face it, we all done something we really wanted to do while an annoying noise was going on in the background.
KW took the question quite literally. Good answer, but I'm guessing you haven't seen video of a duck face humping a cougar. That's a thing. (+3)
- JM - The Red Raiders: The Duck.
See above. (+2)
- JB - Pimp Possee: There is no way a Duck can win against a sun devil, just no way.
Two words: face humping. (+2)
- ANe - Accidental Champs: The Oregon Duck. If the Sun Devil wants you dead... I like duck.
OK, that made me laugh. (+3)
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| Baldwin the Eagle vs Hokie Bird |
- BROTHER: KH - Smokey's Bandits: The Hokie . As senile principals say in Mandeville, if you hang with turkeys you can't soar like an eagle.
The inspirational childhood quote vaults this from a +2 answer to a +4 one. (+4)
- SISTER: KZ - Duffy: The Hokie because i don't know what it is.
Everyone knows that a hokie is like a... well it's an umm... you know it's a gobbler. Hokie Hokie Hokie Hi, Solah-rex, Solah-rah. Ray Rah!! And stuff. Some advice, just because you don't know what something is does not make it weak. Signed, Lockjaw (+1) Also, how did you not use "Duffy" somewhere with this particular question?!?
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| Big Red vs Big Al |
- WH - The Cheerios: Crimson Tide, because even babies know that Saban sucks and smells like dirty diapers.
While a good answer for a baby (how does he type these in?), the red wave is not the mascot. (+1)
- CCa - Novacain: Costumed mascot? Leaving out the animals is no fun. I guess I'll go with the Alabama elephant - what that has to do with "Crimson Tide" I have no idea. He just looks like a pushover, even against a piggy.
Normally an elephant would squash a pig, even a wild one, but I have to agree that Big Al looks like a lover and not a fighter. (+2)
- CG - 13 National Championships: An elephant will stomp a mud-hole in a pigs ass if push came to shove.
I approve of the "stomp a mud-hole" use. If you've ever seen the video of a person "getting the pig," you'll know how uncomfortable even writing this sentence is. I'm now imagining that pig getting a mud-hole stomped in its @ss as being referred to in the future as "getting the Big Al." (+4)
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| Aubie vs Cocky |
- JH - Nothing to Lose: Gamecocks
Not so fast my friend. (+1)
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| The Stanford Tree vs The Leprechaun |
- GF - Kentucky Snowman: It's hard to say but I would have to go so with a tree (Stanford) would have no chance of winning anything. even against a leprechaum. Especially since the tree has no arms!!!
Good point about the arms. This got me thinking, do leprechauns live in trees? Or is that just Keebler elves? (+3)
- A-C - The Nine-Five: The leprechaun. I don't know if Stanford even has a mascot, but that little guy has got to go.
A-C goes oppo on the tree/leprechaun fight. Who wins the battle of wits: GF or A-C? I know who I have my money on, and I definitely know who would win the battle of unintelligible words. (+2)
- DC - Cacti3: A cardinal has no chance against a drunken irishman.
The tree takes out the drunken irishman while he has his wang out and is relieving himself... IMHO. (+1)
- JN - Naked Bootleggers: The Stanford tree has little chance against the Irishman from ND. Didn't the Irish help pave the way across this land by cutting down large trees such as the "El Palo Alto"? I think history repeats itself here.
Historical references. Unexpected from an okie. (+4)
- MN - Football is Fun: That Stanford tree thing.
Those trees in Lord of the Rings were bad @ss warriors though. (+2)
- RK - BlitzKrieg: Once that little leprechaun gets some Irish whiskey in him, he'd probably go Fargo on the sad homemade Stanford Tree by jamming it in a wood chipper.
I hear the leprechaun likes to get it jammed in his wood chipper. (+3)
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| Benny vs Buster Bronco |
- CCo - Beelzebubbles: Tee hee. Why the beaver of course... ya ever seen a bronco's hippity hopper? Whoa!
Strong. (+4)
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| Hook'em vs Joe Bruin |
- Lo - WhooDat4Life: VA TECH hokie would be first bet but after careful consideration I'm always into the idea of Bevo getting his ass kicked anywhere anyhow. So how about they all jump Bevo!
I would give you zero points for irritating the commissioner, but that's not how I roll. Instead, you get hit with a technicality since Bevo is not a costumed mascot and this isn't a cage match, it's a one-on-one. (+1)
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| The Nittany Lion vs Hooter |
- AP - Gig'em: I'm going with the Nittany Lions over the Temple Owls...unless of course the owls are part of that new movie, Legend of The Guardians!
Geeze... Owls these days... (+3) By the way, you missed the chance to make a hooters reference. Just saying.
DD did a countdown, so he gets a special section:
DD - Dave's Bonus: A target-rich environment... so much material so little time...
#5 The Ducks seem like an obvious choice here, but Sun Devils? They used to be called the Normals. What kind of mascot is that!?
#4 The Beavers against the Broncos? The Beavers... need i say more?
#3 I'd love to take a bulldog here, but that would be dog on dog crime? Nope. No Vicktory there.
#2 Tough call here. The Temple Owls or the Stanford Cardinal. Normally i'd go with the anemic, blind, flying only at night, killing only mice bird mascot, but Cardinal!?! They named their mascot after a freaking tree!?! Cardinal is our runner up.
but the #1 least likely winner... the envelope please...
That's right, the Sooners. And why you ask... why else... because they named their mascot after the single greatest group of cheaters in history. They can't possibly win. Especially with Stoops at the helm.
(+5!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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