NCAA Bonus: AT&T Gets the Longhorn Network. What Bevo XIV (DW) Does.

 FORTRAN PROGRAM!!

# BEVOXIV PLUS FIVE BONUS POINTS

IF(maritalstatus.eq.single) then
 find(single.girl) and
    ask(do.you.have.Uverse) then
    if(yes) then
         securedate(saturday.night)
    else
        execute(move.on.to.next.girl)
    endif
ELSEIF(maritalstatus.eq.married) then
   askwife(can.we.get.uverse)
   if(yes) then
     write*(u.married.the.right.girl)
   else
     write*(reconsider.marital.future)
ELSE           ! same sex domestic partner
   askpartner(can.we.get.uverse)
   if(yes) then
      write*(winner.winner.chicken.dinner)
   else
      write*(consider.opposite.sex.sports.fan.friends)
   endif
ENDIF