P-F22: Fourth Biennial Commish A.M.A. (Week 10 NCAA Bonus)

Welcome to the fourth biennial Pick’em Dash Football Ask Me Anything. You asked me anything, and now I’m answering. I even asked some online AI text generator to write the first second paragraph. 

AI Text Generator: Do me a solid bro, and don’t look at your Pick’em scores too much. It’s not good for the ego. You know what, don’t look at the scores at all. Throw your comments into the bonus questions internet and hope that one of us read it and make a connection. If you want something to do, google the others. Strike out and do what you gotta do. Strike out. Or maybe do a podcast. Maybe I’ll do a podcast. I will probably be doing commentary about how I have been taking most of you guys to the cleaners as it is on the ice, so why not call my bluff on the microphone? Tune in on Monday morning. But frankly you do not want to miss me on Twitter during the weekends, if you don’t miss my commentary on the ice. However, do not tweet at me during the weekends or I will not read it. I’m busy. Please play 8 to 10 more Pick’ems year before you leave here. Stay golden.

That was fun. Seriously though. Ask me anything. Let’s go.

Left Hand Scissors (GN): So what happened to all the other bonus questions?

Commish: Timeout. Bonuses are lagniappe, my friends. +1

Cornholio’s Bunghole (BO): How much time/how many hours do you dedicate to this league every year?

Commish: Probably 2-3 hours per week. I still select the games each week, but I have a decent copy/paste routine and some tricks to generate the webpages and pick’em forms. I also type the scores in manually, but I can do that from a phone. Otherwise, it depends on the difficulty of scoring bonus questions. Speaking of scoring, +3

18 National Championships (CG): When watching CFB on the weekends, what is your adult bev of choice?

Commish: I’m not big on session drinks or having the same thing back-to-back. My preference at home is a hoppy or Belgian-style beer… something heavy on the palate (not necessarily heavy from a malt perspective). Also a bourbon and ginger ale… Rare Breed is the house favorite for that. +3

Swamp Dogs (DR): Sweet potato pie, pumpkin pie, or no pie?

Commish: The best part of a pumpkin pie is the Cool Whip on top. I’d go no pie or sweet potato pie. Red wine is a much better dessert. +3

Bourbon Barristers (KH): Who is the best athlete in the family?

Commish: This is a fun and ambiguous question. I’m going to define family as those under my roof. Amanda is the more infamous athlete. She was part of a freshman basketball team that went completely defeated one season at Clements. I didn’t know her then, but I certainly knew about that team. Madison is kinda “low tone” and has no interest in sports. However, surprise throw a ball at her face and she catches it like Mr. Miyagi catches flies. Oliver is a young HS buck, but. OK it’s me, you guys. Even with a pinched nerve and my right hand tied behind my back ;) +5

Sixteen & One (ON): Hi dad.

Commish: Oh. Hey Oliver. Want to play catch? +2

Bevo XV (DW): Why does OU Suck so bad?

Commish: There is a reason Texas doesn’t float off into the Gulf. While one stands in the capital city or Hill Country in general, it is challenging to put a finger on the source and intensity of this sucking from the North. Most of all, most Texans simply have no reason to make the dusty journey north of the Red River to discover the suck source. You may also be wondering where the burden of sucking discovery lies. I'll tell you that OU knows where to come to clear their eyes, find great football players, and get a taste of the finer things. They also hate Texas’ guts in a way that can’t be reciprocated from anyone surrounded by dozens of things just as fun as obsessing over teenagers experiencing their first 4 to 5 years away from home. That’s hella fun, but I have other shirts too. Could Texas ever suck as much as OU? Of course, I suppose it is plausible. For instance, check out College Station, TX for a cool cowboy cosplaying location that does their best to suck, but I think we can all agree Aggies are really more adorable than sucky. +4

accidentchild (MN): How much are you enjoying OU’s season?

Commish: I don’t have to live with or work around many sooners. This is a blessing and a curse – mostly the former. It does keep me from seeing their pain, but it leaves the pain up to my imagination, and this year I like to imagine they are melting down. Schadenfreude is so much stronger of a drug. +3

Beelzebubbles (CC): Why does McDonalds continue to toy with our emotions and not just leave the McRib on the menu????

Commish: If there was ever a chance to have a year around McRib, Popeyes and McDonalds themselves ruined it with so many viral campaigns. Wait, no they didn’t. It’s us! We encouraged this. If you want the McRib all year, then you need to like it less. We need to treat it like the Big Mac, something we only order when it’s been so long that we’ve forgotten that it is weird and shouldn’t exist. +4

A Northmen (AN): Will you be taking me to the Taylor Swift Eras Concert in Houston on April 22nd or to the one in Seattle on July 22nd? Either is fine, just wondering which one ;-)

Commish: Is there something worse than a concert filled with a bunch of teenage fangirl stans – singing every lyric at the top of their lungs in their friends’ faces like they are Bruce Springsteen and Steven van Zandt? Yes, there is. It’s a large arena concert. I don’t get the attraction. You can’t see or hear anything. I’ll pass, but if you are going to Seattle, I want to do other stuff while you are singing at the top of your lungs in some other stan’s face. We can get together later that night to tell stories and umm happy anniversary!! +4

Astros! (AP): What impact does the recent (6 years) Astros' success have to do with the Shift being disallowed next year?

Commish: I can’t hear the league. I have these two World Series trophies blocking in my ears. +3

Huntwick Hosers (KW): It is my opinion that this NIL/Transfer Portal mess is ruining College Football. What say you?

Commish: Is this because Aggie alumni bought a recruiting class with some dubious methods and those freshman are now looking to pocket the money and hit the Portal to join elsewhere? I’m not in a position to argue against either of those items. I don’t have a fundamental problem with college athletes getting paid or being able to change schools. These are freedoms that non-athlete college students enjoy. +4

These final 2 may be future bonus questions.

In BK We Trust (RH): I saw Jess in what appeared to be his photo for porn tryouts. What was his porn name?

Commish: I think Jess has real “behind the porn camera” energy. If he were to appear on camera, I’d like to know y’all’s suggestions. See adjacent picture for inspiration. +4

OG Donkeys (KS): This is a great pickem group I’ve very much enjoyed it over the years, the gambler in me wants this to be a $200 entry fee to keep up with inflation, so should we consider an inflationary increase or keep it friendly?

Commish: I’m good with higher entry fees. It would allow for better 2nd place awards. I’ll make it a bonus question and see what others say. +3