P-F22 Week 14 NCAA Bonus: Parting Shots

Parting shots have been around as long as endings, I think. But did you know that the internet says the origin story for parting shots wasn’t about parting? More on that later.

Here’s what you said during our open mic:

Astros! (AP): Seeing USC go down was all I needed, but I'll take (4) points if you're feeling generous...

+4 you got it 

Cornholio’s Bunghole (BO): "You and I will meet again, When we’re least expecting it, One day in some far-off place, I will recognize your face, I won’t say goodbye my friend, For you and I will meet again.” – Tom Petty 

They should get matching tattoos too. +3 

Beelzebubbles (CC): If i sat outside the pick-em offices with a red kettle and a bell- could i get more points that way? I have venmo and cashapp now if that helps? 

I cannot be bought (is something I have to type in a space like this) +3 

18 National Championships (CG): Show me the entry fee, aka show me the money G!!! 

For the record, you sent this before you picked your way into the #2 spot in Week 14. Impressive. +4

Swamp Dogs (DR): World peace! No. A winning lottery ticket. The Mega Millions. And a Swiss bank account. It's the little things, really.

   

+4

Bevo XV (DW): OU Sux. 

Is it one of the times on the clock? +2

Six Six in Shoes (GF): Points. Points. Hell I am in last place. 

I’ll be more sensitive to the points insecure going forward. +4 

Bourbon Barristers (KH): It ain’t no sin to be glad you’re alive. 

Unless you celebrate life by murdering or milking your neighbor's cow or something. +3 

OG Donkeys (KS): I would like the most bonus points ever given out in a single week including the current week. Thank you. 

+(-1)^(0.5) 

Huntwick Hosers (KW): I want it to not be weird to go to sleep at 8pm. 

This is science. Sleep is the thing that is weird. The number of people that haven’t succumbed to shutting it down for a reason unknown to anyone on Earth is directly proportional to the level of embarrassment thrown your way. Simple. +4

accidentchild (MN):  I think we should have a rule where if you miss that week’s picks you auto-pick the underdogs. 🤷🏼‍♂️ 

This was the original Pick’em Dash Football rule 20ish years ago. However, it doesn’t make sense for someone who didn’t pick to get more points than someone who actually picked. That’s why non-pickers get the minimum score of the pickers. +3

In BK We Trust (RH): This year’s PickEm, as always, has been a lot of fun. Thanks, Commish, for putting in the time! 

You all are the secret sauce. +3 

Bite a Kneecap Offs (RK): Weekly stir-fry recipe: boneless, skinless, cubed chicken thighs marinated in soy sauce overnight, sugar snap peas, broccoli, celery, carrots, baby corn, red & yellow peppers, garlic, green onions, cashews, salt and pepper, finished with Trader Joe's Island Soyaki and Sriracha sauce. Key is getting the wok hot as a witch's tit so it's not a stir-boil. Not as time-consuming as it sounds, otherwise I wouldn't make it weekly. 

Confession. I don’t own a wok, but this is a +5 anyway. 

Aannyywwaayy. Instead of "parting shot," apparently the saying was “Parthian shot,” which is a reference to the practice of ancient Persian warriors who, in retreat, would turn around to shoot at their pursuers*. And what did our leader/warrior say to her pursuers before the last week? 

“#TaylotSwift #Blessed” – A Northmen (AN) +2

I suppose Taylor has made a living on glorified parting shots. And for the rest of us, at least there is more football to be played! #blessed (is ironically funny though)

*I did not fact check this. You shouldn't either.